Death Race 9 billion + 11

It's the year 2008, it's been 33 years since someone felt the need to make a movie as bad as Death Race 2000:

The original starred the guy from Kung Fu and sometimes called Bill as Frankenstein who races across the US, killing everyone in the process that he can for extra points. The movie is quentisential camp. It's poorly shot, low budget, has an essentially pointless plot and worst of all it has Sylvester Stallone as Joe Viterbo - probably the most offense stereotype I've ever seen portrayed for Italians. So really, when you think about it there's absolutely no reason why a normal person would subject themselves to this steaming pile of 1970's dogshit. Thankfully, I have zero credit for taste in movies( thank you Point Break) so I bought it. Jay and I watched it and I think the movie was only 72 minutes long if that gives you any indication as to how it went.

Well, again, it's the year 2008 and some jackass in the infinite lack of creativity that is Hollywood has decided to make a sequel(of sorts) of a movie deemed terrible in the 70's. This one stars Jason Statham - who's made progressively worse movies since he was in Snatch - as a former NASCAR driver(He's fucking British?!) who is wrongly accused of murdering his wife and forced to compete in Death Race. So imagine The Fugitive and then remove everything good about that and then add cars with guns and you have you this movie. So to make a long story short - Mike hurry up and move to LA and make good movies. Here's the trailer for the gallon of dung that could also fill one Oops-I-Crapped-My-Pants diaper:

If you can't create, update!

This post is brought to you by John Kricfalusi. You may know him as the creator of Ren and Stimpy. He has this great blog where he breaks down cartoons, good design and generally bitches about things. In his latest post he references this NYT article that craps on everything good about cartoons. To make it more relevant to Andrew. Imagine a horrible re-invention of Batman. Okay, now that you have Batman and Robin in your mind, you know what I am talking about.

Some of it sounds horribly thought out: "Warner Brothers hopes to “reinvigorate and reimagine” Bugs Bunny and Scooby-Doo through a new virtual world on the Internet." Wow, what vision! The internet! Welcome to 1996!

What really hurts me is this: "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will [be revived] next year in new video games where they will have more muscles and less attitude." Yes. Please. Make this generic. I like bland, watered down characters that all look and act the same. I would like a generic punch-'em-up where the characters can be interchanged with any other character. More muscles and less attitude! What!? And they will be surprised when it doesn't catch on. I would not be surprised if one exec recommended, "What if we used people instead of turtles." I imagine that the developers next door are working on a new X-men, but without the "X-" prefix because it won't connect with kids. And let's take away the mutant powers, that could be to hard for a kid to relate to.

Also, the term "fruit-forward" was mentioned too many times in that article... Or not enough!

Winsloooooooooooow!

Andrew, get ready to shit yourself.

http://www.bmw-web.tv/en/channel/new

Acid optional.

Beautiful.

Tighten up those graphics

Sin City

OK, we're back from Vegas. It was a crazy weekend and one worth every hour of sleep missed and every penny spent to get there and through it. Vegas is a weird place with no inhibitions or limits. I received a text when I was driving home from my friend Emily that just read "Welcome back to reality." Fitting because Sin City is exactly that: a surreal place where the normal laws of the universe don't seem to apply. More on this later..

In flying back I was recapping the weekend on the first leg of my flights back home while stuck behind 3 ugly strippers, next to a couple making out and 3 other f-tards who were still drunk from Rehab. I came up with things that stood out the me as what made the weekend, here's the short list:

- The complete lack of sleep needed to power through 72+ hours of Las Vegas. Me, Mike and William landed in Vegas and started drinking at about 11:15PM. We checked into the hotel the next day sometime after 3PM. So we stayed out and drank and wandered Vegas for 15 hours. No long until you consider that we'd all been awake since 6AM the day before.and slept maybe an hour or two on the plane rides out West.

- William's unending tenacity to drink. Did you have that Gin & Tonic at the airport?

- Baum's blazer - this got us into Sapphire very quickly.

- Baum's t-shirt - it said "touch my titties" in Thai

- Beer pong at 3PM on a Sunday

- Drinking Eiffel Towers at 6AM. Twice.

- Throwing up on the moving walkway of the Bellagio because of the Eiffel Towers.

- While walking to Strip, being recognized and stopped by strippers we'd apparently met the night before but nobody remembered.

- Gambling only $1 the whole trip.

- The guy who threw a cigarette at us then just stared at it waving. Please refer to JP's impression.

- Vasant being slapped by a stripper for no apparent reason.

- Baum being slapped by a stripper for a very apparent reason.

- Me and Jay puffing on Monte Cristos at Playboy Club.

- Dinner at Fix. Twice.

- Beer Monster at 7:30AM with 6 people in one bathroom.

- the original Beer Monster:


- William and his fucking bacon

all in all, fantastic trip and now I'm going to get sleep as I don't have a voice anymore and I haven't slept in days.